I took my last antidepressant on Wednesday. So far, so good. Overall, I’m more easily irritated, and more emotional – I get weepy very easily. But I like what I’m feeling. The insulating layer has definitely gone, but I don’t feel that I need it anymore.
I’m no longer tearing myself apart. I’m learning to break the paranoia habit. I’m feeling positive about the future (despite my conviction that civilisation as we know it will shortly come to an end!) and when I’m not being irritable, I’m generally quite content.
So – I’ve decided to try to lose some weight. I stand by all of the things I’ve said before – I don’t believe anyone ‘should’ be any particular weight or size, I don’t believe that all the lecturing and guilt-inducing hysteria is helping anyone, and I don’t think it’s anyone’s ‘fault’ that the average size of the human being is increasing. But my size is stopping me from doing things I’d like to do, and it’s causing various health problems, including raised blood sugar levels – I’m not diabetic yet but it’s a distinct possibility in the near future unless I take action now.
I cannot diet if I’m the one choosing what I have to eat – it just doesn’t work. And I have a friend who has had great results on the Cambridge Diet (have a look at http://cambridgedietguy.blogspot.co.uk/), so I’ve decided to give it a try. For those of you who don’t know about it, it’s a meal replacement plan which is a very low calorie diet, or a low calorie diet depending on which step you start on. It’s also recommended by the NHS I think, and contains all the recommended nutrients and enough carbohydrate and protein to ensure there is no damage to the body.
The meals (soups and shakes) are sold to you by an independent consultant, who has very strict guidelines and takes you through a comprehensive questionnaire. My consultant wouldn’t sell me any meals until I’d had my doctor sign to say that she was aware I was doing it, and confirm the medication I’m taking. Because I have ulcerative colitis, I can’t start on the lowest calorie step, so I’m starting on step 2, which is around 800 calories a day. I get my first delivery of meals on Wednesday, and I get weighed then too. At the moment I am somewhere between 15 stone and 15 1/2 stone.
I’m not expecting weight loss to make me feel better about myself – I feel pretty good about myself already:-) I’m not expecting anything much from it except to be able to buy nicer clothes in charity shops, do more exercise of the kind that I enjoy, and have some of the health issues disappear.
So I’m going to change the focus of my blog again, and use it to write about my experiences with the Cambridge Diet. But as always, I reserve the right to ramble on about anything I choose, should the mood take me:-)