Rant

In between my last blog post about giving up dieting, and er, September 2021 I think, I was diagnosed as diabetic. After a year of going on a healthy, diabetic friendly eating plan, and increasing the amount of exercise I was doing (as per the doctor’s advice), my blood sugar levels were still rising, so I was put on Metformin (I gather fairly standard type 2 diabetes medication).

In April 2023 I was feeling quite low so the doctor upped my Metformin from 3 tablets a day to 4 tablets a day, and I started feeling a lot better. My energy levels rose, my mood improved, and my blood sugar decreased – so much so that in November, when I had my standard 6 monthly review, the doctor said that I should go back onto 3 tablets a day. So I did.

Two months later, I started feeling a bit rubbish again, went to the doctor, had some blood tests. And when I went in to get the results and see what could be done, the doctor said ‘You’re feeling low, exhausted and in pain all the time because you’re fat and old – have you considered losing some weight?’

Of course, she didn’t say it exactly like that because she’s a lovely doctor and tried to be more tactful, and I’m not blaming my doctor – I truly believe it’s a systemic problem with the NHS, and I know they are obliged to ask these questions – but basically, she sentenced me to living the rest of my life in chronic pain with chronic fatigue unless I lost weight.

In case any of you reading this don’t know me and have not read any of my previous blog posts:

I HAVE BEEN ON A DIET SINCE I WAS 11!!!!!! THAT IS NEARLY 43 YEARS!!!!!! AND I AM STILL FAT!!!!!!

I have tried everything – everything – except for the Cabbage Soup Diet and any kind of gastric surgery. I’ve tried every kind of exercise, most of which hurts way too much for me to do consistently. I now walk as much as I have time for (and love it) and unbelievably, work out twice a week most weeks, and at least once a week, with weights and everything, because I’m scared of osteoperosis.

You know all of those small, manageable, lifestyle changes they recommend? I’ve made them all. ALL. I don’t smoke. I drink less than 1 unit of alcohol a week, which is a mouthful of wine for the Shabbat blessings. I don’t drink caffeine – all my nice cups of tea are decaff. I basically live most of the time on lots of raw vegetables, plain yoghurt, chicken salad, and small amounts of unsalted mixed nuts and 85% chocolate (because my life would be unbearable if I didn’t).

I AM STILL FAT!!!!

At this point, I don’t think there is anything more I can do.

‘Have you considered losing some weight?’ Well, funnily enough, like almost every single woman (and quite a lot of men I suspect, not to mention non-binary and transgender people) in our horrendously fatphobic Western culture, I have been obsessed with my weight and lifestyle since I was very young – in my case, about 8 years old when I started being bullied at school because I was chubby.

So yes. I have considered losing weight. I’ve spent years throwing all of my considerable will and determination at losing weight. I am not stupid – I know what food I need to eat AND THAT’S WHAT I EAT. I’m not lazy – I know what levels of exercise are recommended AND I DO THEM unless they cause unworkable pain or the fatigue gets too much. I’m not greedy – I only eat when I’m hungry enough that I can’t concentrate.

I can’t lose weight. The End.

I am a fat and diabetic woman, who suffers from constant pain and chronic fatigue (and I know there are many people a lot worse off than me in that regard, but it’s still very unpleasant). I’ve been diagnosed with depression, fibromyalgia, and the menopause as root causes, and to be honest I’m not convinced about any of this. Regardless of the root cause, I’ve not been offered any solutions or support (except for an increase in the dose of my HRT patches and an increase back to the four tablets a day, both of which I had to suggest myself). I’m quite sure I deserve more than this. I just have nowhere left to go.

So – let’s see if taking more HRT, more diabetes meds, and wall to wall paracetamol do me any good. Always interesting to experiment on oneself…

(Note – I did not shout at the doctor, I was very pleasant when remarking that I’d been on a diet since I was 11, and I truly believe that this version of me is as good as it gets. And a disclaimer – when weight is nothing to do with it, the NHS is absolutely bloody wonderful. Just – seems to have a bit of a blindspot in this one particular regard…)